Conversations with Jeff – Jeff Discovers Kangaroos are Legal in Texas

Primer: Jeff visited a year ago and convinced us to buy a puppy on a whim. We already had one dog. So now, he is on a mission to do the same thing every time he visits.

Jeff: I am going to bring presents for the doggies

Bill: cool, they’ll love to see you

Jeff: I’m basically Indy’s agent, she was on waivers and I got her signed to a 14 year contract

Bill: nice! good work

Jeff: they are having an adoption event at your Petco on 11/2 from 2-6. I’ll see if I can move my flight up

Bill: LOL

Jeff: we can’t break tradition Bill. there must be puppies

Bill: no more puppies Jeff….

Jeff: oh yes Bill, there WILL be puppies. you need a nice dobie to balance out the other 2. maybe we could mix things up, get you a Serval

Bill: no Jeff, that would only lead to bad things

Jeff: you’re right, let’s just play it by ear. but I think we can agree that by saturday evening you will have a new pet

Bill: No Jeff

Jeff: two new pets? how about a Lemur

Bill: no Jeff

Jeff: these guys are near you and they breed Lemurs: http://castleberrysafari.com/lemur/

let me know what time we are going to the brewery and I will schedule a visit around that

Bill: #icanteven

Jeff: #howaboutacoatimundi. honestly I am just excited to go pet shopping. i love pet shopping

Bill: lol

Jeff: you know you can own a Kangaroo in your state?

Bill: no, but now I know

Jeff: like, how can you not act on that?

Bill: that is a good question…..right off the top of my head I would say that my HOA won’t allow the extended fence height

Jeff: lower your lawn. done

Bill: I….I can’t…..I can’t argue with that logic

Jeff: you could fill the pouch with ice and beer in the summer probably

http://www.kangarookate.com/purchase.htm

i am starting to like your state

Bill: I bet you are LOVING the UI and design of that site

Jeff: i had to close the tab. i know that it exists and that we can get a kangaroo there, that is enough. if we go to dallas we should go there and pet a kangaroo. for science

Jeff: sing along with the words!

“If you’re in Texas, the thing to do”

Bill: no jeff

Jeff:
“Is take your pal to see a Kangaroo!”

“If you own a nice home in the south”

“Buy a Kangaroo to live in your house!”

“The perfect two, you and Roo”

“So many wonderful things to do”

“Watch some tv on your couch!”

“Or store your beer inside it’s pouch”

“They’re great with dogs, they have cool claws”

“To make sure your neighbors obey the laws”

“And if a stranger comes in your house”

“Roo can knock his black ass out! (*the lyrics of this song do not represent the views of this corporation)”

“So now you all know what to do”

“Drive on home and buy a Roo!”

Conversations with Jeff – DO NOT READ FROM THE BOOK!!

Jeff: WOW

Bill: what?

Jeff: mind = blown

Bill: do share

Jeff: “Develop understanding and insights by building robust empathy with clients across key vectors needed to fuel innovation”

Bill: ow ow ow ow ow

why did you make me read that?!?!?!?!

Jeff: I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE SOME OF THE PAIN AWAY BUT IT’S NOT WORKING AT ALL

Bill: that’s like reading a page from the Necronomicon…..

where did you get that from?

Jeff: an email I just got from someone on our data science team who attended a “innovation training session”

Bill: have you fired them for harassment yet?

Jeff: I am too preoccupied with trying to find the materials necessary to exorcize my laptop

Bill: because that is verbal, physical and sexual harassment right there

You’ll need an Old priest and young priest

something borrowed, something blue…..wait….no….that’s for a marriage

Jeff: yeah and make one Buddhist or something

Bill: don’t you need a baboon to hold it up to the rising sun as well?

Jeff: that way they can synergize on cross-denominational faithisms and marginalize the web 4.0 “best of breed” methodologies needed to ideate the best go-to-market strategy

Bill: GOD DAMMIT JEFF!!!

IT’S SPREADING!!!!

Jeff: MY FUCKING EYES!!!

Bill: BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

Conversation with Jeff – Movie Magic Edition

Jeff : so ghostbusters 3 is a thing…without Murray or Ramis…or Reitman directing, as he has left the project

Bill : it’s gonna be 2 hours of akroyd yelliing about government conspiracies

Jeff : and drinking crystal skull vodka

they said the script doesn’t contain anything for Murray because he was difficult to reach

Jeff : so it was mostly penned by Akroyd and Reitman

I see potential for this project

we could get Guillermo del Torro to direct now

so the ghosts would be pretty epic, but the rest of the story would be pretty flat

or we can get Christopher Nolan to direct, reboot the series, make it dark and gritty

make them paranormal soldiers fighting the first wave of a supernatural war

Bill : oh, oh…..do Abrams now!!!

Jeff :Abrams would reboot the series where a future Peter comes back in time to try and warn the younger versions of themselves about a demon they encounter that kills the team and opens the mortal realm to the horrors of its dimension

Abrams would keep some of the comedic elements of the originals while also giving the series a more action-oriented, dramatic flavor

Bill : Joss Whedon

Jeff : Joss would set the series closest to the original, with the lighthearted humor that made the first film so successful. He would introduce at least 2 love interests into the team, and I believe one of the Ghostbusters would be female. He would also employ a plot on a far grander scale, with a supernatural enemy that actually is killing people or worse rather than representing some existential dominance scenario

The ghostbusters would also likely exist outside of societal norms, rather than the celebrity status they enjoyed in the first 2 films (though he may lead them into celebrity to introduce the issues it causes them in the next film)

Bill : i <3 you

Jeff : ;-)

Bill : Speilberg!

Jeff : Speilberg would likely go with Akroyd and Murray, portraying them in their retirement. The death of Egon would reunite them after a long period of estrangement. At the funeral, a curator of a museum would beg them for help as his daughter has been posessed by an ancient artifact of some sort.

The film would take some heavy judeo-christian undertones, addressing demons and angels rather thank the odd ghosts from the first 2 films

There would still be a fair amount of laughs, with some of the corny nature of the first 2 films

Saving the girl would galvanize the two, making them realize the need for their expertise, which would result with the formation of a new team under their leadership, setting the stage for future films

*care would need to be taken to ensure that a) no fucking aliens AND b) Lucas isn’t made aware of the project until after it has finished editing

Bill : LOL!!!!

greatness

I sit at my desk….

I sit here at my desk, angry at the lack of professionalism of a multi national multi billion dollar company. I wallow in my own first world self pity, laughing at it ironically the whole time.

I dream of the landscapes of Blade Runner, The Matrix, Fight Club and Mad Max and wonder when it will all come to pass. Or will it at all?

I read the news about the nihilism of modern media, the corruption of modern politics, the destruction by modern corporations, the expanse of the poor, the ineptitude and delusions of the rich and the destruction of the middle class….and I don’t do a damn thing. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the corporation has the same rights as a man.

I want more than what I have but I don’t want to work for it. I am the epitome of the self entitled person. I want to lead the revolution…..but I can’t forget to pay the rent and I need to pay off my credit card debt. I want to live in the wide open spaces of the mid west; I want to live in the heart of the city; I want to live on the beach with my dog who can catch a frisbee.

A pain in the ass colleague just walked up and totally killed my concentration…..

Data Control

I require data to do my current job. If you do not provide me with accurate data or you do not allow me to gather the data necessary, I cannot do my job successfully.

Do not ask me to do my job without the data, as you won’t actually get what you were promised. You will in fact get garbage.

And when everything blows up in our collective faces, do not pile all the blame on me….you will be just as guilty for not providing me or allowing me to gather the data I needed to perform the job you asked me to do.

Burning the Midnight Oil

Current project in the middle of nowhere USA has me working on a migration and architecture design document. Seeing as I have never done any kind of migration and architecture design, this is a learning experience for me. It’s not the shiny, happy kind of learning experience where one works with someone that has done this before and guides you along. Nope, this is the “Throw you in that section of South African Coastline where the Great White Sharks JUMP OUT OF THE WATER” kind of learning experience.

I am not all alone in this endeavor thankfully, and I do have some guidance. But the folks that are ultimately in charge of this are too busy focusing on the other portion of this project, and are masters pf delegation. I’m doing the best I can, which is all I can do.

Enough bitching though. Basically, I have spent that last few nights staying up late writing portions of the document. I’m getting a little bit sleepy.

Management of My Digital Self – Continued

Continuing the work to manage my digital presence.

I just stumbled across two posts about Google continuing to “DO ALL THE EVIL”.

The jist of it all is that Google is taking the publicly broadcasted SSID of wireless networks and creating a database to help their location services. Pitching it like they are helping you help yourself, they are also saying that if one does not want to participate they should append their wireless SSID with “_nomap”. It’s all here in this post.

The Lone Sysadmin, someone I follow via RSS had a nice rebuttle to the Google post. Basically, Google should not make it seem like they are doing us a favor and ‘man-up’ about the fact that they are doing this to sell to the highest bidder. I like the points he makes.

It also reminded me of a few things I need to do with my wireless router. First off, I need to stop broadcasting the SSID. Secondly, I might need to look into making the SSID a bit more unique. I may or may not do this, since I won’t be broadcasting. However, a more unique name (or better yet phrase) will make it harder for someone to still randomly connect. Third on the list is to look into securing connections via MAC Address. I know a few folks who do this, but they are in the suburbs, so it makes no sense to me why they do it. It makes more sense for me to do it living in the city. Along those lines, I should look into possibly creating a DMZ so that I can keep some portions secure while at the same time leaving some portions open for visiting friends and or family. Fourth and final on the list is to get some new hardware. The stuff I have is pushing 8 years old. I should probably check the firmware on it as well.

Outside of that, the only other thing I am working on is the decision to delete my FB account. I only ever post links to things I find interesting. And those folks that might find them interesting, I can have them follow me on Twitter. I’m still not sure about this.

Why Am I Fighting This?

I seem to be fighting the situation I am in tooth and nail and not taking it for the opportunities that it is handing me. I think I just hate the fact that I am here doing something I do not want to do SO MUCH, that my mind is looking at every opportunity to impress as anathema. I am sabotaging myself. It is so very strange.