Cooking with R&R: The College Years

I would say that my college years were not the best time for my culinary training. Institutionalized food and greasy burger joints do not a taste bud make. However, there are still some dishes that bring back memories of better, less stressful times. Here are two examples.

I never actually made this but I did have the pleasure of trying it: The Garbage Plate
It’s a Rochester favorite and is highly recommended to be consumed between the hours of 2am and 4am after some heavy drinking.

And then there is

Train Wreck
When in college I was a member of a fraternity. As part of the membership ‘privileges’, every Saturday morning before our noon house meeting we would clean the house. No, really, we did clean ….stop laughing…seriously STOP laughing!
As payment for doing this, lunch was made for all the members. Most of the time (re: ALL of the time) it consisted of a ‘goulash’ type dish that was lovingly dubbed Train Wreck. I contacted one of the brothers who was the Steward at the time I was there and thus in charge of creating this culinary masterpiece for us while we slaved away our hangovers trying to clean (SERIOUSLY, STOP LAUGHING!!!). So without further ado, i present to you the recipe for Train Wreck, compiled in its entirety by Nili Monster, aka Mostu:

From Nili Monster
To: R&R
CC: Shaggy Bob
Subject: Re: Train Wreck Recipe

Here is the official recipe, followed exactly every time. Make sure
to measure accurately (recipe can be, and often was, doubled or
tripled although it is not suggested to attempt making less than one
full recipe).

  • 1 log frozen Grade F- ground animal flesh (beef if you’re lucky)
  • 1/2 Kayc Sharp boob sized bag of elbow macaroni
  • 1 #10 can generic tomato sauce (important that it is be low quality so it contains lots of seeds)
  • 2 cups FRANK’S® RedHot®
  • 4ish tbsp Pocahontas brand chili powder (this is a mixed spice containing chilies, cumin, garlic, onion, etc)
  • 3ish tbsp red pepper flake
  • 2ish tbsp garlic powder (not salt)
  • 2ish tbsp black pepper
  • 1-6 tbsp random spices and/or termite droppings
  • 1 quart sour cream
  • 1 sleeve saltine crackers
  • 27 cans cheap beer
  • 2 pints whiskey
  • 1 1/2 cup Pepto
  • 7 Camel light filtered cigarettes

The night before:
Consume beer and whiskey. Put frozen ground flesh log in sink of
cold water to defrost. Hint: do not sleep if possible.

Morning of:
Vomit, smoke three of the cigarettes and begin browning the ground
flesh log. The log will still be frozen in the middle because you put
out to defrost after drinking the beer and whiskey. Put on pot of
water to boil and salt liberally.

As the log is browning, smash and chop it with a metal spatula to
squeeze out the grease and juices. When all meet is gray (it won’t
actually turn brown if you have the right stuff), drain off some of
the fat (yes believe it or not I actually drained off the fat even
when I was making this at the house), then sprinkle the spices over
the ground meat and cook a few more minutes.

If you are lucky, the water is boiling by now so stir in your
macaroni and cook it to near mush (al dente is for wine sipping, vespa
riding, soccer loving, gold chain wearing Italian douche bags).

Vomit again and smoke two more cigarettes. If possible yell at
someone to get out of the TV room and go clean something, possibly the
deep fryer or the grease trap.

Mix the seasoned meat, tomato sauce and redhot into the noodles and
allow to simmer for approximately 20 min. Stir occasionally but not
all the way to the bottom so that there will be some burnt areas which
add a smoky flavor to the dish.

To serve:
Leave the pot on the burner set to its lowest setting and leave
stirring spoon in wreck. Place sour cream and crackers on table for
diners to add at their digression along with extra redhot. Serve with
milk or more beer (having both is not recommended).

Consume one plate or bowl of wreck, smoke one of the remaining
cigarettes using uneaten portion to extinguish the butt. Consume the
Pepto, nap and repeat this last step, or attend house meeting.


So there it is. Happy College memories that both my stomach and heart cringe at when my brain fondly remembers!

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