Thanks to the amazing invention of the elevator, I am able to work on the 7th floor of a fourteen story building. However, as with anything else that requires the interaction of more than one human; rules of etiquette need to be followed or else I am going to start throttling people!
Without further ado, I present the following to you:
1.) When waiting for an elevator, stand off to one side. Similar to what you should do (and what is asked of you) when boarding a New York City Subway. This allows the people ON the elevator to exit easily and quickly. It also allows you to get on quicker as well.
2.) DO NOT barge onto an elevator before checking if there are people on it. It will not go any faster if you get on it before the people waiting to get off still have to get off. All you do is end up being in their way and being labeled as a fucktard.
3.) Hold the elevator if some one is within 15-20 feet of you. If that some one sees you doing this, 9 times out of 10 they will increase their speed to make it to the elevator. They are usually very appreciative of this as well. If it is a hot woman, increase the range exponentially relative to the 1 -10 Hotness scale.
4.) If you see some one running for the elevator and it is closing, try to hit the “door open” button. Don’t pretend not to see them because you both know that you see that them, and by pretending to ignore them you are being a fucktard again.
4a.) Make an effore to learn which button is the “door open” button and where it’s location is. No two elevators are alike and that damn button moves around and is labeled differently in each one.
5.) If there is only one button station and you are the closest to it, be courteous and ask where everyone is headed. Once again, it gets you brownie points.
6.) Pretend that the elevator is a car and GET OFF THE FUCKING CELLPHONE!! There is a good chance you will loose the signal anyway, and I don’t want to be an extra in your rendition of a Verizon Wireless “Can you hear me now” commercial. I also don’t care to hear your conversation, because it is meaningless.
7.) if your stop is the 99th floor and everyone is getting off before you, try to move yourself to the back of the car to stay out of everyone’s way. If that is not possible, step out of the elevator when you get to a floor and move to the side. You’ll have enough time to jump back on before it leaves. And you can use your arm to hold the door if you want.
That’s all I have. Following the above listed advice will make your ride, and your fellow cubicle monkey’s rides a lot more tolerable.
I hope this helps everyone become a better elevator user.
#1 by Weesa on September 13, 2007 8:00 am - 8:00 am
I second that!
#2 by OneManConga on September 14, 2007 8:09 am - 8:09 am
Your Point 4 causes a point of contention for me. I of course do not want to be labeled a f’tard but do not want to wait for someone if the doors are already closing.
I’m working on a technique whereby if I am stood in the “lift”, the doors begin to close and I see someone quicken their step towards me, I move my hand and press a spot on the wall just beside the “door open” button. This gives the illusion to the “elevator atemptee” that I’m doing all I can.
All that’s left to do is make a puzzled/horrified expression that there’s something wrong with the “door open” button, before briefly locking eyes with the disappointed victim as the doors separate us forever (or lunch or whatever).
Anyone else with you on the elevator may notice and give a disapproving look/grunt but inside they have the warmth of time saved.