Jeff: so are you still planning on coming up in 2 weeks?
i’ll be returning from Europe in 2 weeks
Jeff: otherwise I need to figure out what to do with all of these ferrets
when do you leave?
Jeff: now I have to invent something powered by ferrets
they’re not puppies bill
you can’t just dump Cambodian breast milk all over them and produce fusion
Bill: what about thai baby formula?
Jeff: shipping would kill me
Chinese knockoff gerber baby food?
Jeff: i wonder if I could safely distribute my weight over 1000 ferrets
Bill: how close together would they be?
Jeff: ferrets have a innate sense of personal space, so maybe 3″
Bill: would they just be really close to each other or physically attached
Jeff: i would have to make a massive harness
Bill: hmmm….that might not work….without some gorilla glue
Jeff: also their ground speed isn’t high enough for highway travel
Bill: even multiplied by 1000?
Jeff: i could take surface streets though
Bill: the commute on surface streets would be enjoyable
Jeff: i could steer them with an old sneaker
ferrets go fucking bonkers for old sneakers
Bill: and big toes….
i ferret sat one for Nili’s buddy Steve….fucking thing kept biting my toe when I let it out
Jeff: i think I have a way to create a contained perpetual energy system with them
each ferret will be placed in a clear sphere connecting to a number of actuators
Bill: i’d be interested in the investment opportunities of this idea of yours
Jeff: a series of cables will carry old shoes throughout the facility, causing them to move around and thus generate electricity
a couple times a day a small tube will inject pressurized water into the spheres containing fire ants
the insuing conflict would generate massive amounts of power, and the ferrets will eventually eat the ants
waste will be sucked out of the sphere and used to feet the ant colony
Bill: that is more of a self contained system as opposed to a perpetual motion system
but the idea has……ferrets……!!!
Jeff: not perpetual motion, just a contained energy system
i bet one ferret cube could power at least 100 homes
Bill: how many ferrets in a ferret cube?
Jeff: let’s say 1000
so startup costs would be the animals, ant colonies, and the machinery itself
Bill: so with the 1000 ferrets you currently have and some seed money, you could technically power your town?
Jeff: automation should minimize staff
Bill: more or less
Jeff: yeah pretty much
Bill: there is the shaws down the street
what kind of ferret attrition rate are you expecting?
Jeff: i would expect 1-5 deaths per month
Bill: and what kind of fire ant containment procedures do you ahve on draft?
Jeff: easy way around that is to connect random male and female pods once a day
Bill: but then you’d have to remove the females during gestation so as not to hurt them and the young
so you have to take that into account
Jeff: oh, and a bunch of old sneakers
Bill: i like this idea
Jeff: yeah the breeding algorithm would need to evolve over time to minimize impact without endangering the population
Jeff: and fire ants are dumb, they emit a chemical signal that the colony is in danger so they all come running
at injection time we just release the chemical in the collection area and suck them into the water injection system