Archive for category Thoughts
I sit here at my desk, angry at the lack of professionalism of a multi national multi billion dollar company. I wallow in my own first world self pity, laughing at it ironically the whole time.
I dream of the landscapes of Blade Runner, The Matrix, Fight Club and Mad Max and wonder when it will all come to pass. Or will it at all?
I read the news about the nihilism of modern media, the corruption of modern politics, the destruction by modern corporations, the expanse of the poor, the ineptitude and delusions of the rich and the destruction of the middle class….and I don’t do a damn thing. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the corporation has the same rights as a man.
I want more than what I have but I don’t want to work for it. I am the epitome of the self entitled person. I want to lead the revolution…..but I can’t forget to pay the rent and I need to pay off my credit card debt. I want to live in the wide open spaces of the mid west; I want to live in the heart of the city; I want to live on the beach with my dog who can catch a frisbee.
A pain in the ass colleague just walked up and totally killed my concentration…..
Written a few months back, while waiting for the train.
Not quite the fringes of modern society, but the feeling is different. While at Penn Station, you can feel New York. It permeates everything. And that of course means there is more traffic, more people, more…..something. I cannot quite put a word to the feeling. To say ‘society’ or ‘life’ would take away from other places or even go so far as belittle them.
But the other places I have been do not compare to the magnitude of that which you see in New York City. So I sit here, in this ‘mid-water’ station. Seeing the folks that probably exists at Penn, but because there are so many people there, you never notice them. Here though, they are thrown into sharp relief in my worldview.
So is that where the problem lies? Is it my worldview that puts the emphasis on the ‘better-ness’? (for lack of a more appropriate or grammatically correct word) Is it me?
I try not to be judgmental, but that is lip service to the built in Puritan guilt that all Americans seem to have. And those that come here from somewhere else seem to learn. Of course I am being judgemental, that’s just another…something…that permeates the landscape of this country.
I wonder why it is that I seem to be 10 years behind the curve on most things. I’m starting the life of the traveling consultant when I should have been doing this when I was 23. I am making life choices and future commitments almost a full decade behind those in my same age group and sometimes younger.
I need to figure out how to make the best of it. I need to figure out how to break some REALLY bad habits that I have. I need to learn how to learn again. For my benefit, and for the benefit of others.