But I’m about to do my best at pickling my liver!!

Anger – n – a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism

I have anger issues. I don’t believe that I have anger management issues, as I am able to NOT lash out at others and I do find ways to let my anger dissipate. I realize that time brings clarity and that if I need to I will step away from a situation that is causing anger to calm down. However I could be wrong about the terminology, and it might be management issues.

Nonetheless, what I do is carry the anger around with me to the point that I am always mad at something. Be it something specific or a perceived injustice. To the point that since entering into the working world I have gone from a fun loving ‘nice guy’ to a cynical bastard that finds humanity as some sort of cruel joke. I think to myself that if given the same choice as fictional bad guys (Darth Vader, Arthas Menethil, Sauron) I would make the same choices, but be A LOT meaner about them.

It has been pointed out to me that I am no longer ‘the person I was’ and that my anger is now more apparent than ever. I also notice and realize this, and I think that is a good thing. If I did not see my anger, then folks should be worried. As such, I am trying to take steps to remedy this. Nothing drastic, just a bit of self realization and finding a good ‘work/life’ balance to begin with. Perhaps some real effort into finding my passions in life and perhaps capitalizing on them.

We’ll see how it all goes.

While the Tao cannot be expressed, Taoism holds that it can be known, and its principles can be followed. (source)

Morpheus: I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it. (source)

I know this might sound tragic and quite possibly on the grass cutting side of emo, but I do feel lost right now. Or perhaps a better metaphor is that of a traveler in the wilderness, walking towards an unknown yet expected destination. Roland walking the wastelands to get the the Dark Tower. I don’t know.

I might also be able to attribute this feeling to the expection of the coming spring. A primal sensation that tells the body to prepare as winter is coming to an end, and the awakening of spring is ahead. As humans no longer need to migrate as nomads, this sensation may manifest itself into what is now termed ‘Seasonal Depression‘.
If I had to follow the herds south for the winter and stay in warmer climates, I would never be stuck in the constant grayness and cold of the northern latitudes. Who knows. It may be all phooey anyway.

Things are just ‘meh’ now and I am hoping that when things begin to change with spring, perhaps I shall find what it is I am looking for.

Main Entry: per·cep·tion
Pronunciation: \pər-ˈsep-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin perception-, perceptio act of perceiving, from percipere
Date: 14th century

: a result of perceiving : observation

Which of course leads to:

Main Entry: ob·ser·va·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌäb-sər-ˈvā-shən, -zər-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, from Latin observation-, observatio, from observare
Date: 1535

: a judgment on or inference from what one has observed;

Others will now suffer because apparently someone thinks I’m a slacker.

Fair enough in my opinion.

Merovingian: It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.

We’re getting hit with a blizzard here in NYC today and as such the wife and I are working from home.

Our office is setup so that our desks are right next to each other along the wall, so we are within 3 feet of each other. I do believe that there is some sort of Doppler Effect happening in that area. I go and say something (usually nonsensical and funny to me) and there is a good 30-45 second pause before I get a ‘heh’ from the Wife.

When I mentioned this scientific anomaly to my Wife, she stated that she was busy working, that she knew I did something silly, and that she felt she should respond in some form.

So there isn’t any anomaly between our desks as first theorized. She just realizes I did something that I require validation for, and is acknowledging it so that I leave her alone and she can continue to work.

Isn’t marriage grand??? 😛

Saber

Only in Dreams….